3 Steps You Can Take to Elevate Your Life Today

“How does one become a butterfly? You have to want to learn to fly so badly that you are willing to let go of being a caterpillar.” ~Unknown

How is it going, Beautiful?

Take a deep breath and a good hard look around you right now, wherever you are. Capture your thoughts.

How do you feel about what you see? Does everything in your line of vision bring you a feeling of happiness and fulfillment? Are peace, happiness and tranquility all around you? Are you living the life you have always dreamed of?

Almost? Not quite? Not at all?

Let’s try to fix that, shall we?

Beautiful friend, I believe that life is about living in a state of beauty and peace and you deserve to be uplifted by everything that your senses can take in. When you look around the room, in the mirror and into your mind there should be an overwhelming feeling of satisfaction and bliss that washes over you. You should be surrounded by sights, sounds and smells that heighten your awareness of the beauty and resplendence all around you, and fill you with pleasure.

Okay, maybe that’s a tad idealistic.

Let me climb down from my makeshift ivory tower and get real with you. The idea that we can (and should) reach perfection in each of these areas of our lives has been preached at women for decades. Believe me, I spent years trying to manufacture a perfect facade on my home and my social media feed, but after a midlife gut-check I learned that not only was it too exhausting to try and keep up with Joneses, but that the Joneses weren’t living the perfect life they outwardly portrayed either!

Wait…what?

Truth. Facebook and Instagram created a culture of implied flawlessness among our friends and neighbors. From the highlight reels of family vacations to face-tuned selfies, it looked like everyone else had it going on better than we did, and it led to an insidious feeling of inadequacy.

But now we know better, right?

Trust me, you can only get away with putting spackle on the cracks in the facade for so long. But that’s another post…

Anyway, thus began my mission to design my life to a taste that pleased me, not the onlookers.

But just because that daydream of blissed out excellence above sounds too good to be true doesn’t mean that we can’t raise our bar to a slightly elevated level, right?

Beautiful friend, do you believe that you have what it takes to create the life that brings you pleasure and joy, but in a way that is completely attainable?

I am here to tell you that YOU DO!

You are already sitting in the driver’s seat of your life, but maybe you just need to take back control of the wheel. Regardless of where you are on your journey you can give your life a bit of a lift, starting right now!

Is it time for a Mid-Life Makeover?

You can easily and inexpensively give your life a little makeover, or at least a bit of a boost.

Let’s call it a “life-lift,” if you will.

Let me tell you how I did it, and how you can do it too, starting today.

A few years ago I was a multi-tasking, people-pleasing, pseudo-superwoman; trying to do it all and make everyone happy. While I was wrapped up in my plight to maintain the perfect image of myself that I had created in my head, my life became a race to get things done and live up to the unattainable expectations of myself and others.

You can see the writing on the wall already, can’t you?

Now, don’t misunderstand me. I am a natural born caretaker and do not regret a single second that I have devoted to my family. It has been the greatest purpose of my life, and I am proud of those caregiving traits.

However, due to my inability to create a proper balance, my kids, my husband, my parents and my job got the best parts of me while I took whatever was leftover for myself. Which wasn’t very much.

I forgot to stop and focus some of that necessary attention on myself and do an occasional gut-check as to how I was actually doing.

In short, I gave away my happiness controls. I lost myself.

Then in a span of 5 years my marriage dissolved and I lost both of my parents. After 25 years as a Mrs. my identity was shattered, and at 45 I was not at all prepared to step out of my little box and create a new one.

Who was I if I wasn’t half of a couple and a dedicated daughter? Who was this midlife single orphan?

For the sake of my own teenage daughters I had to get myself together and make some changes that would pull me up and out of the pit of despair I found myself in.

I slowly developed several strategies that helped me cultivate a positive mindset, which you can read more about here.

These strategies altered my perspective in ways that changed my life into one that I loved being the center of and wanted more of.

On the way to my dream life I focused on the three areas that were within my circle of control: my surroundings, my style and my mindset.

Does any of this strike a chord with you? Are you feeling a little stuck in a life that is not as fulfilling as it once was? Are you ready to step out and dip your toe into the refreshing pool of refinement?

If you’re still here, I believe that you are! So let’s go, girl!

These 3 steps can be taken by anyone looking for a life-lift. Let’s get started!

Step 1: Elevate your Surroundings

I started with what I saw around me. I wanted my outer environment to reflect the person I wanted to be on the inside.

It was working from the outside in.

Is this the correct order? Perhaps not, but it worked for me!

When I became single the first thing I did was repaint my bedroom and make it into my sanctuary, complete with delicate flowers and flowy curtains. I indulged in every feminine touch my girly side had been craving. I bought brand new bedding in colors that soothed me. I hung happy photographs and inspirational quotes. I created a space that was just for me, and made me feel centered, secure and serene every time I entered it.

This initial step proved to be a springboard to transforming the rest of my environment.

Next I replaced the worn carpet in the living room and exchanged the hand-me-down pieces of furniture I had been left with with new couches and a cool coffee table. I discovered my own newfound taste and style and tried to surround myself with it.

I cleared out clutter, gave things away and had a huge garage sale. Everything else that was weighing me down went to charity. I literally lightened my load and felt a huge release.

I hung photographs everywhere of my girls and I captured in timeless moments of happiness and joy. I put up quotes that reminded me to look for everyday miracles and celebrate the beauty of my new life.

Everywhere I rested my eyes I saw my own personally tailored version of tranquility and beauty. It brought peace to my soul and gave me the positive energy to keep moving ahead. I began looking forward to coming home everyday and started daydreaming of other ways I could improve the landscape of my life. This process gave my mind something positive to focus on, rather than dwelling on what I had lost.

How You Can Apply This

Are you happy with what you see around you? Does it bring you joy and peace? If it does, that is wonderful for you! If not, let’s try and tailor your surroundings just a little.

Here we go…

Start with one room that could use an update. Rearrange the furniture. Hang that photograph that makes you happy. (Check your photos app in your phone. I’m sure there are several just crying to be printed out!) Replace your bedspread or add or a couple of throw pillows. Repaint a room with a peaceful hue. What feeling does that stir up in you? Does it inspire you to spend more time there?

Keep in mind that you don’t have to run out and buy new things, if that is not something you are in a position to do. Sometimes just shuffling things around can give a room a lift. Go for a new perspective. Put the couch along a different wall and see how it opens up the room. Put your bed on an angle and notice how it seem more inviting.

Let in the LIGHT!!! Pull back those heavy drapes, or better yet, ditch them altogether. You will be amazed at what flooding the room with natural light will do for its appearance and your mood when you walk into it.

Trade something in this room for that. That vase tucked back on a shelf in the bedroom… bring it into the living room and fill it with flowers. Is there a chair in the basement that is not doing anything interesting? Situate it in your bedroom with a soft throw draped over it and a tray with a book and a candle resting on it. Doesn’t that say “come and sit a spell”?

Uplevel your environment by bringing your outer surroundings in line with what instills peace, comfort and beauty in your mind. By taking small steps in this area, you can positively alter your entire outlook on life.

Step 2: Update your Style

My personal style was crying out for an update. I weeded through my closet and got rid of everything that didn’t fit or that I had not worn in over a year or more. My girls showed their support by gleefully removing the items that they considered unflattering or totally outdated.

When had I started dressing like a 50 year old school teacher?

Once I shook off the subtle bruise to my ego, I reshaped this as an opportunity to jumpstart my wardrobe and start over with a brand new style. It was like playing in Barbie’s closet as an adult. Kind of fun, right?

I scoured Pinterest for style tips and looks that would work for me. I started paying more attention to the quality of fabrics and cuts rather than my current determining factor of whether or not an item was on sale.

My body was changing before my eyes, as well. I was thinner than I had ever been due to the divorce diet I was on. You know, the one where food suddenly has no flavor or pleasure, or your stomach is too tied up in literal knots of anxiety to eat? I started a walking routine and going to the gym to try and rebuild some muscle mass and put a bit of color back into my cheeks. This adjustment turned out to be equally as beneficial for my mental health too.

This style overhaul was a revolutionary step for me. I found clothing that enhanced my new body type and made me feel good, attractive, even sexy. This feeling led to updating my hair and my makeup routine. I shed the stale look I had fallen back on for years and embraced the new one that was emerging. I was metamorphosing into a midlife butterfly.

Maybe I should have stopped there, but I was on a roll. I gave in to the midlife-divorcee cliches of a foot tattoo and a belly button piercing while I was on a therapeutic girls trip with my childhood girlfriends to California. Perhaps not my wisest of choices, but still, I don’t regret them. They were a part of my journey.

This whole style makeover worked magic for my self-confidence. For the first time in years I felt beautiful. I felt energized. I began wanting to go out, to actually socialize with other people. I connected with new friends and tried out new things. People who had known me for years couldn’t hide their surprise at the change in me, but I think I surprised myself most of all.

Maybe this was the woman I was supposed to become all along and I just got stuck.

How You Can Apply This

Stand in front of a full length mirror and give yourself a once-over. How’s your overall style? Do you feel like you have done a great job of staying current? If so, yay you!

If not… Let’s use a 10 year measurement stick. Have you worn the same hairstyle for 10 years or more? Are you wearing the same clothes you bought 10 years ago? Are your makeup strategies from the 2010’s? 2000’s? 90’s???

Let’s do some work here.

Start with a virtual walk through your closet and take inventory. Remove 5 items that either no longer fit well or are outdated. Can you remove 5 more? Good job! Repeat this process dresser drawers. Same thing for your shoes, pj’s, underthings. Give them away or just let them go. Let’s make room for some updates.

Start a secret Pinterest board with styles that intrigue you and would flatter your beautiful body type. Check out magazines with pics of (real-looking) women whose style you admire. Head to your favorite clothing store and try on lots of different looks in the dressing room. Photograph yourself wearing them in the mirror. Pay attention to the quality of the fabric and the fit of the pieces. Are they unique? Do they flatter you? Do they make you feel like a million bucks?

Don’t buy anything until you study those pics and critique them. What is it about them that makes you look amazing? Which ones make you feel invincible? Go back and invest in the winners.

Your hair is literally your crowning glory. Are you still sporting the same hairstyle you rocked in the 90’s? Yes? I’m not knocking the 90’s, because they were awesome! But hey girl, it’s time to give some attention to that mane. First, make sure you are using quality products. Then, again, look to Pinterest or magazines with pictures of the real women that you want to emulate. Don’t forget to casually check out the styles of the many women you come into contact with during the day.

*Confession: I once tried to secretly photograph a lady at my daughter’s track meet from a variety of angles because I loved her hairstyle. Did I make a fool of myself? Perhaps. Looking back, I probably would have made her day by just coming out and complimenting her style, and then asking to take a pic of her. Live and learn.

Perhaps it’s your stylist who is stuck in a rut. Give a new girl (or guy) a try. Be honest with them. Tell them exactly what you are looking for and that you want to move toward it gently. This may not be the time for drastic change (Then again, maybe it is!) but anytime is a good time for a subtle update.

Mirror, mirror, on the wall… Who’s the fairest one of all? Is it you? Of course it is!

Your beautiful face holds the windows to your soul. Is it reflecting the beautiful light that is within you?

Are you incorporating a good quality skincare routine? Do you have some tips for creating a more youthful illusion? If you do, you are ahead of most. Good for you!

If you could use some help in this area, don’t worry. You’re in luck…This is a multi-billion dollar industry!

There are products for every type of skin there is. The internet is filled with tips and tricks for highlighting your best features and camouflaging your least favorite ones. YouTube is filled with tutorials specifically tailored for the over-40 beauties like us. Here are two of my favorites:

The Facelift Makeup by Dominique Sachse

The 5 Biggest Mistakes on Mature Eyes Tutorial - Fabulous 50s

We all want our faces reflect the glowing beauty that is inside of us, right? Fortunately we have the power to make it happen.

Beautiful friend, it’s amazing what the critical step of making your outside reflect more of your inside can do for your confidence and your mindset. It’s a literal gamechanger!

Step 3: Feed your Mind with Care

I learned that the mind is the foundation of all. I began to take control of what entered my thoughts on a daily basis, rather than allowing anything and everything into my precious psyche. I fed it with positivity and guarded it from negativity.

I stopped oversharing details of my own life on Facebook and quit allowing other people’s perfect-looking lives to cause me comparison anxiety.

I altered my Instagram feed to focus primarily on positivity memes and quotes that brought me inspiration.

I quit watching and listening to news that was dismal and upsetting, and that I had absolutely no control over.

I created a physical vision board with photos of anything I could find that appealed to me and that represented my beautiful dream life. I looked at it daily and visualized the inspirational images throughout my day.

I read everything I could get my hands on… From nonfiction self-help to memoirs to straight up trashy beach-read novels. I started following bloggers that focused on love, beauty and inspiration.

I listened to podcasts and TED Talks from people I admired and enjoyed while I walked the neighborhoods. Their stories and advice gave me the inspiration to explore new avenues that I had not imagined yet.

I decided that this would be as good a time as any to revisit my own learning. I started taking classes toward earning my Masters degree, which I had put on the back burner for years.

I began to write. I filled journals and notebooks with thoughts, ideas, lists, stories. The words poured out of me onto the pages.

I protected my mind from things that felt damaging, and instead nourished it with healing beauty.

In short, I began to treat myself like I would treat someone I loved.

How You Can Apply This

Take stock of what you allow into your mind on a daily basis. Think about everything you let in through your senses: TV, radio, conversations, social media, books, magazines, songs, your visual surroundings.

Do these things feed your brain with healthy ideas and positive nourishment? Or are you letting toxic words and discouraging ideas enter into your precious inner self?

The next time you watch something on TV or online, do a gut check. Notice how it makes you feel. Is that show inspiring you to be a better person or is it telling you that you are not good enough? Does it make you feel lifted up like you can make a difference in the world, or feel sad and defeated, like you have no control over a negative outcome?

If it’s not contributing to your mental and emotional well-being, cut it off.

When you get on social media, evaluate whether you are registering joy or discomfort. Are Alison’s posts of her perfect family giving you comparison anxiety? Unfollow. Are Uncle Mark’s political rants making you cringe? Unfollow. What about Karen’s constant updates on the most recent miseries of the world that are bringing her down? Unfollow.

Girl, you don’t need that kind of strife. Let it go.

One of the many insightful things that Mahatma Gandhi once said was, “I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet. ” And neither should you!

Successful happy people don’t allow garbage into their priceless mentality. They protect themselves from anxiety-inducing sights and sounds. They filter out the hateful rhetoric that sometimes infects the internet. They only permit thoughts and ideas that lift them up and show people at their best.

Because their own best is what they are constantly striving for. This is you, too!

Consciously add books with a positive message to your library. Follow uplifting pages and people on Instagram or TikTok. Seek out shows that make you feel cheerful or relaxed or inspired. Place sticky-notes with happy messages all around your space, and in the areas of the people you love.

Spread the joy! Spread the love!

Feed your mind with positive messages, peaceful images, inspirational ideas and joyful thoughts on a daily basis. They will cultivate a mindset of positivity and hope in you.

Does this sound too easy? Too good to be true?

Try it for a week and see how it makes you feel.

You are so worth the investment.

The Change I Needed

After I began incorporating these three steps into my routine I felt like I had more control over my own life.

No longer was I just waiting around to randomly dodge or embrace the next big thing.

Instead I brought the things to me that I wanted: the dream items of my consciousness. 

I did the work of expressing gratitude, weeding out the negativity, focusing on the good, and manifesting the things I desired.

I pictured the life I wanted to be living and each day I took another step toward making that vision a reality.

I looked forward to waking up and choosing my next outfit of the day. I looked forward to being out among people, and I also looked forward to re-entering my sanctuary in the evening by myself.

I began enjoying living one day at a time and finessing another piece of my life into the one I had created in my imagination.

One day I looked up and realized that I was living a life beyond what I had imagined was possible. I was happy. I was fulfilled. I was loved. I knew that I was enough.

Take the first step, Beautiful girl

If you have read this far, I believe that you want a life filled with positivity, happiness and hope, too.

You can have it!

Take the first step.

Start small. Just choose one strategy right now and take action. Feel how it injects a little bit of optimism and energy into your soul.

Now take another small step. Keep going.

I promise, if you continue to make small changes in each of these three areas of your life you will begin to blossom right before your eyes. You will slowly shed the former burdens that weighed you down and caused your wheels to spin in place.

Every little success will exhilarate you and motivate you to create another one. You will start to emerge from the chrysalis you have been hibernating in for so long. The butterfly in you is ready to emerge.

You can do this

Girlfriend, you are more capable and incredible than you know. You can be anything or do anything that you set your mind to and create the life you have always dreamed of. You may even surprise yourself and build a life beyond your imagination, like I did. 

Take control of your surroundings, your style and your mindset. Create the life of your dreams.

You are living in the prime of your life right now and already possess everything you need to be positively limitless!