How the Gen-X Midlife Everygirl is Changing the World

“After 40 you know who you are, who your friends are, what you want to accomplish and what you don’t care about. It’s liberating not having to worry so much about what other people think of you. “ ~Reese Witherspoon

midlife women, middle aged friends, women over 40, women over 50, sisterhood, badass

Midlife women are having a moment. In an Amercian culture that has traditionally overlooked her, the collective voice of the Gen-X midlife everygirl has recently begun to get some attention.

For years she has been demanding that her voice be heard and people are finally starting to take notice.

The beauty industry is listening, as you can see from the extensive and growing collection of anti-aging and pro-aging products that have begun to saturate the market in the skin care aisle.

Celebrity midlife everygirls like Oprah, Drew Barrymore and Gwyneth Paltrow have initiated public discussions surrounding menopause that are normalizing open conversations on the topic for the first time ever.

The medical industry has begun to address her unique health needs, (although it seems to be moving at a rather glacial pace for those of us who want solutions NOW), and more natural and holistic approaches to wellness are on the rise.

The midlife everygirl’s online presence is growing into a strong community of sisterhood; sharing wisdom, common experiences, fears and inspiration.

Occupying one such corner of the internet is BePositivelyLimitless.com, a personal blog dedicated to providing validation, encouragement and inspiration to midlife women everywhere.

Who is the Gen-X Midlife Everygirl?

midlife, midlife woman, laughing, women over 40, beautiful, badass, women over 50 — The women of Generation-X are a unique breed of female survivors and overcomers, technically born between 1965-1980.

She grew up in the 70’s and 80’s, in a middle-class idyllic childhood utopia in which few locked their doors at night, problems were rarely discussed out loud, and curfew was simply ‘sundown’ or ‘when the street lights come on.’
In a time long before cell phones, evening telephone phone calls with a 20-foot cord and notes passed in the hallway were the only modes of communication with her besties and potential boyfriends outside of actual face to face conversation at school.

The midlife everygirl’s parents made sure that she had everything she needed, but not everything she wanted. Because of this, she knows what is important to her, and how to be patient and strategic in getting what she really desires. Entitled is never a word used to describe her. She earned everything she has and takes nothing for granted.

Does she sound familiar?

Now the Gen-X midlife everygirl is constantly evolving and finding her own worth. She has a fiery spirit that requires an outlet of understanding and authenticity to grow. She has a strong voice of conviction and her own money to spend on things she considers justifiable. Her expanding sense of independence propels her to move out of the shadows and into the sunlight where she can breathe, where she can bloom.

She works tirelessly to foster the wishes of her family, to ensure that their needs are met… often before they are even asked for. While providing every one of the basic necessities for her children, she also knows when to add the occasional indulgence and make each one feel special and loved in her own unique way. Her eyes light up when they walk into her presence and her world is brighter when they are near.

But there is always an underlying anxious anticipation of the dangers that lurk around the corner that could threaten her family. Don’t mess with her babies, regardless of their age… her guardian instincts liken her to a mama bear protecting her cubs.

The Gen-X midlife everygirl also spreads her influence outside of her home, selflessly and quietly dedicating herself to giving a voice to the voiceless and paving the trail for the next generation of extraordinary women. She knows that she has an understated power and the responsibility to lift other everygirls and foster the community of sisterhood that is rising up and taking its rightful place in our society.

Do you recognize her yet? Are you one of us?

Where is She Now?

Our current days are spent multi-tasking, caring for others and improving the world (or at least our corner of it).

Our nights are spent tossing, turning, replaying conversations over in our brains and worrying about the state of the world… in between night sweats.

Although we feel that some days we are bearing the weight of the world on our shoulders, in public we carry ourselves with a restrained demeanor that can contradict the countless thoughts, emotions, fears and anxieties racing through our minds almost 24/7.

Like beautiful swans who appear to be calmly floating across the pond, whose feet are paddling like mad beneath the surface.

But then, we were made for these days.

As Gen-Xers, we developed a sense of vigilance and resilience on playgrounds while surviving dangerous equipment like teeter-totters and merry-go-rounds, and by avoiding dodge balls being thrown directly at our heads. We rode in the very back seat of station wagons without seatbelts, as our parents smoked cigarettes up front with the windows closed. We had to figure out how to deal with bullies at school and antagonizing siblings at home. We played outside for hours, drank from the hose, and made up games with the neighborhood kids on the daily, inventing new rules to kickball using a ball, a tree, a manhole cover and wadded up shirt. (Ghost runner on first!)

We were taught to be honest, kind and compliant, silent until we were spoken to, to follow the rules and obey all authority figures. They told us we could be as good as the boys, as smart as the boys, or even superior to the boys (but they forgot to warn us that could backfire once we hit middle school). We learned that we could be astronauts, flight attendants or even President. We were told we could be anything.

Our afternoons of playing with Barbies & friends reinforced the message that we could succeed at any occupation we chose, in addition to simultaneously mastering the title role of motherhood. During those hours immersed in that pretend world, we practiced the art of not just being anything, but of also doing everything. In super cute clothes. And high heels.

But through Barbie we were also subliminally taught our ‘place’ within the patriarchal society we live in and the contradictory rules of inclusion we were expected to follow: stay pretty, stay thin, stay young, be submissive and always smile. Live and learn, right?

We were the latchkey kids, the MTV generation. We grew up quickly and counted down the days until our 16th birthday, when we could step into our hard-earned and transformative independence with our drivers license and our old second-hand car. (Or third, or fourth…)

Driving into the high school parking lot with a headbanger like Pour Some Sugar on Me by Def Leppard blaring from the tape deck of my 1976 Ford Fiesta, I was on top of the world.

In those glory days we were totally gnarly and life was good. Am I right?

Yet, for all of our independence, we still respected our parents enough to abide by their house rules and curfews (at least as far as they knew).

Instant gratification? Not for us. We mastered the long game.

We developed patience by waiting weeks for pictures to be developed after dropping off our roll of film at the drugstore. We wore the hand-me-downs we were given, but saved every extra cent of our babysitting and allowance money to buy Gloria Vanderbilt jeans and black eyeliner. To pay for gas and econo-night movie dates with friends we worked part-time jobs after school and detasseled corn in the summer. (Shout out to my midwesterners!)

We honed our fashion sense from 3 sources: Seventeen Magazine, the ‘cool girls’ at school and what we saw in the storefronts while hanging out at the mall. If bright patterns, shoulder pads and acid washed jeans were the rage, that’s what we wanted.

Walking that delicate tightrope between conformity and individuality, we suffered through home perms, overdid the Sun-In every summer, and spent years inhaling the aerosol overspray of Aqua Net to fit in to the glorious ‘Age of Big Hair’. But seriously, our hair was freaking amazing, wasn’t it?

We were the ultimate survivors. We dreamed big dreams. We overcame, we adapted, we took what we had and made the very best of it.

Do you hear Pat Benetar singing Love is a Battlefield right now, or is it just me?

A Funny Thing Happened On the Way to Adulthood

working mom, over worked, supermom, midlife women, women over 40, women over 50, gen-x, multitasking — Then we grew up and settled down. We got married, started a family and fostered a career.

As Gen-X everygirls, we deeply internalized those messages that told us we could be anything we wanted if only we wanted it badly enough. If only we worked hard enough.
So we worked tirelessly to reach that elusive goal of not only having it all, but *having it all at once.*

And yes, like our Barbies before us, on our way to being anything, we ended up doing everything.

We brought home the bacon, fried it up in a pan, and were then expected to never ever let him forget he’s a man…

Side note: Can you believe that was an actual TV commercial? You remember it, right? Enjoli. I can still picture it. We were exposed to that jingle on repeat so many times during our formative years that it was seared into our psyches like brainwash.

Oh yeah… we also created life. We made childbirth look so easy that the societal belief is still that it’s the most natural thing in the world. Natural doesn’t mean effortless. It was complicated and hard and painful. It took a tremendous toll on our bodies and our minds and forced us to grow up overnight. Ask any midlife mamas to recount their childbirth stories, and be prepared for no two stories to be the same. Or without complications. But yet, she will probably still smile as she tells it.

Among our Gen-X sisterhood, we discovered that choosing to create a human being and bringing it into the world successfully is never simple, in fact it’s a freaking miracle every time it happens. After two miscarriages of my own, I learned this firsthand. Our midlife mamas who endured IVF, adopted their babies, or sought surrogacy to carry theirs, could teach college courses on the many paths to motherhood.

Then we found out that motherhood was harder than it seemed to be in our pretend world. We were not given an instruction manual when they discharged us from the hospital the day after giving birth (or just the week after for our C-section mamas) and aside from varying advice from other mothers and grandmothers, we were basically making it up as we went along.

But we did it, and we did it well. Take a moment to pat yourself on the back here, sweet mama. Well done.

Never ones to sit back and rest on our laurels, after a brief maternity leave to adjust to a brand new normal and bask in our accomplishment of, you know, creating life, many of us Gen-X everygirls were back at work and the multi-tasking gene kicked in. While building a career outside of our home (this was pre-remote working, of course) we also planned the playdates, birthday parties and family vacations. We shared the carpools and volunteer work or relied on daycare and babysitters to be stand-ins for us while we held down jobs with hours that frequently bled into our personal home life.

As Gen-X wives and mamas, we morphed into our shifting roles of caretaking. While negotiating our role as Supermom and primary parent of our children, we simultaneously became the responsible caretaker of our own parents. This unique dual-role of responsibility in between the Baby Boomers and the Gen-Z/Millennials coined another new moniker for us: “the sandwich generation”.

Fast forward to today, and our heroine is still juggling an incredible number of plates in the air, but at least now she’s wearing yoga pants and comfortable (yet still stylish) shoes. The world-wide pandemic we survived made casual wear for every occasion not only acceptable, but the norm.

The Gen-X midlife everygirl is probably balancing a career, a marriage, a home, and managing her own health and wellness, as well as those of her loved ones. If her life has evolved in unexpected ways, she might also be dipping her toe into the dating pool, or considering a career shift. After spending over a decade managing her children’s schedules, playdates and appointments she could now be adjusting to a suddenly too-quiet house if her little birds have flown from the nest. But she is still the glue that holds her family together, whether they are near or far.

And somewhere along the way she woke up in this thing called “midlife.”

Passing the milestones of 40 and 50 has thrown many of us Gen-X everygirls a few unexpected curves: unfulfilling marriages, divorce, disillusionment, declining parents, struggling children, raising grandchildren, empty nests, an ageist society, starting over, midlife crises, and then there’s our new uninvited house guest, Perimenopause, and all of the baggage she brings along to the party.

The midlife everygirl has weathered many storms and overcome countless challenges. And they just keep coming, don’t they?

But our heroine remains steadfast in the face of the storm (at least to the world). She stands tall with her chin up and her shoulders back, ready to accept her next mission. She tends to hide her scars, grief and sacrifice behind a pleasant demeanor due to her selfless nature (well, that, and the incessant voice of her mother or grandmother in her head reminding her to put on a smile and act grateful.)

She has faith in a higher power to carry her through times of strife. Whether it’s God or the Universe, she knows there is something out there bigger than herself with a plan that is higher than she could ever fathom. She believes in a force that has her back and holds her in the palm of its hand, and that if she prays hard enough, meditates often enough, or raises her vibration to match the frequency of the happiness she desires, she will tap into an invisible source of sustenance and not feel quite so alone.

But she also knows that it’s up to her to take action and do the heavy lifting to create the life she wants.

If she’s single, it’s likely that she has experienced the heartbreak of shattered plans and possibly betrayal. This can manifest itself into a lack of trust and an apprehension to open her heart again. An invisible shield may be all of the protection she feels she has from allowing the painful events of the past to repeat themselves. She is not waiting around for a knight in shining armor on a white horse to come along and save her anymore, although she might take the time to hear him out if he does happen to show up. She knows more now. Her scars have made her stronger and wiser. But she has no time for games, and if a hero rolls in he’d better come equipped with a knack for cooking and a secure financial portfolio.

Oh, and then she will “save him right back”. Thank you for that little line of 90’s girl-power moxie, Pretty Woman.

Where is the Gen-X Midlife Everygirl?

midlife women, midlife, women over 40, breast cancer awareness, Susan G. Komen, women supporting women, women over 50, warriors, badass women, raising awareness, midlife, pink, 5K — The Gen-X midlife everygirl is everywhere. She’s the girl you went to high school or college with, or swapped carpool duty and playdates with when your kids were little together.

She is behind you in the grocery line. She is in the office, or the classroom, or the gym or the restaurant at the table next to you.
She is on TV, Instagram and Facebook. Educating, communicating, influencing, and inspiring. She is raising awareness, raising money, and raising our collective conscious.
She’s the one who is wearing multiple hats for multiple people and keeping up that smile on display for those around her.
*Is she you? Are you one of us, beautiful friend?*

If you know, you know. We are everywhere, being everything, and doing everything. We have begun the process of shattering the ceiling of expectation and limitation. We have made our powerful presence known in just about every occupation there is, and still hold the title role of motherhood, and now even grandmotherhood. We have almost single-handedly transformed the universe that we grew up in to a whole new world for our daughters and the amazing young women that are following in our footsteps. We have made the history books and future generations will study us with awe. We are killing it out there!

But (you knew there was a but, right?) we are also perceptive enough to know, that as our obligations to others have steadily increased, our time for self-care has decreased. We have a tendency to spread ourselves too thin and put our needs last, don’t we? We have made a habit out of placing our own health and wellness on the back burner to be ever-available to the needs of our family and ones we love.

The word ‘martyr’ frequently comes to mind when picturing the quintessential midlife everygirl. Her compassion knows no bounds and her sacrifices are deemed worthy when she watches her children succeed, or her relationship with her spouse thrive, or possibly even her career flourish. This is the highlight reel that she posts on Facebook. The wearisome and unpleasant behind-the-scenes footage is scrapped and forgotten. Or at least it’s filed away in a back corner of her mind. You know the one, don’t you? The one where we keep the actual memories of childbirth.

But we are survivors, right? Overcomers! Adapters! We are smarter than we believe and stronger than we know, and in our struggle is where we find our strength.

As we enter the next phase of life, we know that it is simply a new season. We have watched the seasons of our life change hundreds of times, and this next one holds so much potential and possibility for ourselves. We have found freedom in caring less about what other people think. All of the knowledge, experience and expertise that we have collected and stored up is at our fingertips and ready to be used in an extraordinary way. Our story is far from over and we are writing this chapter however we want.

Cue up Shania Twain and Let’s go, girl!

How Can We Renew Our Strength?

To all of my Gen-X midlife everygirls, remember that we can find strength in each other. It is our obligation and our privilege to lift our sisters up at every turn. To validate, to commiserate, to encourage, and to inspire. While the small details of our stories may be beautifully diverse, the essential elements are the same. We can relate on multiple levels and we possess so much knowledge we can learn from each other.

Just imagine, if we put all of our collective feminine energy toward raising up our fellow women who are attempting to climb up through that glass ceiling and improve the world in positive ways, we would be unstoppable. But it requires us to make a conscious effort to devote ourselves to that vision.

Judgment, negativity and cattiness is beneath us, beautiful girls. Our insecurities can come out in unattractive ways that diminish our power. We are so much better than that. We are fellow warriors and have more combined influence than we know. Rather than tearing females and their ideas down, let’s look for the good and promising role models, and shout positivity from the rooftops. Give credit where it is due to our courageous sisters who are out there seizing their moments and paving a new path for our daughters and granddaughters.

It takes a village to make any kind of important and effective change, and as we already know, our community of sisterhood is entirely capable of creating a positive force powerful enough to alter the world.

It all starts with building a positive mindset within our own selves. A positive mindset is a superpower…particularly when it lives within the heart of a Gen-X woman. When a half-century’s worth of experience and wisdom is infused with a sense of positivity the midlife everygirl becomes unstoppable. She becomes positively limitless.

Have you ever noticed that when someone compliments you on something, maybe your hair or your shoes, you receive a little boost of joy and confidence? I hope that you can accept it with a simple “thank you” and take it in. That positive affirmation infuses a feeling of pleasure that alters your brain chemistry and shifts your mood. Now imagine how a steady dose of that positivity could affect your mindset and your daily life. Wouldn’t that be amazing?

Instead of placing that power in someone else’s hands, take the controls. Affirm yourself. Look into your eyes in the mirror every day and compliment yourself on at least one aspect. Tell yourself how awesome you are, how beautiful, how smart, how capable. Yes, it might feel a little bit awkward at first, but it gets easier.

Then to really level-up this infusion of positivity and truly shift your mindset, repeat your compliments, but begin with these 2 deeply impactful words, “I am…”

Believe me, it can be powerful and recalibrating. Just do it. Start by placing your hand on your heart and saying these affirmations out loud right now:

I am beautiful. I am smart. I am strong. I am healthy. I am loved. I am blessed. I am resilient. I am talented. I am abundant. I am attracting all things for my good. I am capable of achieving my goals and creating a life I love. I am constantly growing and evolving into a better person. I am filled with love, light, joy, hope, forgiveness and peace.

It feels good, doesn’t it? Keep it up and feel yourself transform.

By cultivating a positive mindset, you can train your brain to look for the good in the world. When you look for it, you find it. When you find it and acknowledge it, you can raise your frequency to a higher level. Everything you desire is up there in the elevated levels of vibrations of the Universe. The Law of Attraction is a fascinating concept, and whether you believe in it or not, if you follow these principles and alter your ways of thinking, you will upgrade your life.

How Is the Gen-X Midlife Everygirl changing the World?

The Gen-X midlife everygirl is a unique and exotic species. We’ve come a very long way from the little girls in pigtails and pinafores playing with dolls and miniature kitchens. We now occupy boardrooms, newsrooms, hospitals, schools, locker rooms and homes of every possible shape and size. Our vast life experiences have molded us into women of substance, intelligence, resilience and wisdom. We may have been made of ‘sugar and spice and everything nice’, but along the way we were infused with a heavy dose of badassness and have evolved into warriors.

Claim it. If you’ve made it this far, I’m assuming that I am talking about you, Gen-X midlife everygirl. Pick up that medal of honor that you have earned just by making it this far in life, and wear it with pride.

You are killing it, my lovely friend.

There is a quote I lean on that goes, “God didn’t bring me this far, just to bring me this far,” or something like that. Basically it means that he has a bigger plan for me. A higher purpose. Believe that there is a higher purpose for you, too. We are not done. We have too much value and wisdom to keep it all to ourselves. Let’s share it.

So, what do you want to do? What is your purpose? What is your dream? How can you bring more positivity into the world? State it out loud.

They say a dream without a plan is just a wish, so turn that idea into a actionable goal. Writing it down makes it more concrete and doable, so grab a notebook and let your pen get to work. Break it down into small actions and then take the first step. Now you’re on your way. You know what you want, now go do it.

Together we can make impactful changes in our own small circle that will cause ripples of influence and positivity to expand around the world. It originates with us, the impassioned and seasoned everygirl.

Choose a starting point and take a step forward. Now take another….

My key takeaways for you:

Practicing affirmations of love, wisdom and confidence can help us harness the beauty and ability inside of ourselves and minimize our insecurities, which can be crippling and stunt our evolution.
Focusing on the good that is all around us leads us to see more good things than we ever paid attention to before.
Strengthening our own mindset and raising our vibration to a positive frequency that can propel us to an even higher purpose is the first step to changing the world.
By claiming our power, stating our purpose, taking control of our life and picking up the pen, we can write the next chapter of our beautiful midlife any way we choose.
Using our feminine superpowers of courage, compassion and communication, we can lift up our collective voices of sisterhood and make positive changes together.